Now before I go any further I’d like to tell you a story about my Dad. My Dad has a thing that he does while watching films that usually has me contemplating patricide after about ten minutes. If he likes a film and knows it backwards he will quote the lines verbatim about a minute before they are said on screen. This was bad enough while watching Gladiator but lead to some words being exchanged when we attempted to watch Young Frankenstein in the same room. What he was doing was delivering the punchlines about 30 seconds before the film was delivering them and thereby completely screwing up the timing of the actual gags.

I mention this because I can only assume that the makers of My Favourite Joke must have shared a room with my Dad at some point and decided that his approach to watching comedy was the way to go.

The show seems to assume that everyone has seen all of the comedy bits being talked about and seems far more concerned with the modern comedians de-constructing the gags rather than actually showing them. Indeed at times they played a clip in silent slow motion while someone like Rhod Gilbert verbally explained the gag and then they would actually show the gag a minute later. The BBC has spent a bunch of time and money to recreate the experience of watching a film with my Dad.

The most criminal bit of comedy vandalism is when a Dave Allen monologue is mentioned. The chirpy Barbara Windsor voice-over tells us that Allen was well known for his comedy monologues and instead of hearing the particular monologue they are discussing it is interrupted every couple of seconds by people saying how very good his monologues were. Dara O’Brain talks about the monologue ending with a real whipcrack of a gag but by the time they show it the gag falls flat. Not because it has been over rated but because Allen’s monologues work because they have a pace and rhythm to them that builds to the crescendo of the closing gag. Allen at his best was a verbal symphony of comedy and that falls apart if you constantly interrupt the flow of his rhythm. Even if it’s to shower him with praise.

This show doesn’t seem to be about what it says it’s about. What it purports to be is a celebration of the jokes and comedians that inspired the performers of today; but doesn’t treat that material with the reverence with which it is being spoken. It seems far more interested in what the modern comedians have to say.

This is a pity as for many young people, who might have watched for the modern comedians, it might have been their first exposure to some of these great performers of the past. To see what comedy was like when it was great. Sadly it’s something I think we need to be reminded of as, for me, modern comedy is stagnating into self-congratulation.

I remember in the early Nineties when Rob Newman and David Baddiel were the first comedians to play Wembley arena (you know, back in the days when that was a big deal rather than the prize for winning Mock The Week.) and there was some genuine excitement about comedy being the new rock and roll and attracting big stadium audiences. In the intervening years playing a big stadium and getting a DVD released seems to have become the goal for stand-ups everywhere. It seems to miss the point of stand-up at its best.

There is an intimacy between a comedian and their audience that you just don’t get in a stadium. The best stand-up shows I have seen live have been in modest sized theatres. Mainly because it’s far easier for the comedian to asses what is and isn’t working. There are veteran performers like Ken Dodd who in a theatre can hold the audience in the palm of their hand. Dodd has a reputation of massively over running because he knows the audience is enjoying it and so is he. That kind of comedian/audience relationship wouldn’t happen in a stadium. There are just too many people and the cheap seats are half a mile away.

Modern comedy seems to have lost sight of what it should be doing. While they are still making people laugh there always seems to be one eye on the lucrative side deal. Morecambe and Wise weren’t looking for the game show hosting spot or lucrative advert. They just wanted to be as funny as possible while they were on. You could argue that had there been stadium gigs during their height that they would have taken them. I don’t think they would.

The sitcom seems to be having similar problems. They seem more concerned with being the latest comedy franchise. As such the sitcoms you get on the BBC seem to be divided between safe and dull (My Family) or edgy and experimental (Psychoville) with nothing in between. While Channel 4 search for the latest thing that people will constantly quote in pubs while irritating everyone around them.

I seem to have gone on a bit of a rant but it’s something I feel strongly about. Never mind awards, DVDs, ad campaigns or merchandise. Any comedian worth his salt should only be seeking one thing and that’s laughter.

It’s got to a point where I have started no notice several trends in TV advertising that I hate. Any of these things appearing in an advert now will immediately have me despising the product with no real basis

Poetry in a regional accent.

You want people to think that your product is down to Earth in a homespun working class way? Then have somebody write a poem about all the wonderful ordinary people who use it and get somebody to read it out in a regional accent, preferably from the North, and bingo! Loads of ads have done this recently. Cathedral City cheese and McDonald’s are the first that spring to mind. If you are Virgin Media and have spunked so much money on setting up your online networks, or whatever it is they spend their money on, then instead of getting some poetry written you just pay for the lyrics to an old Madness song and get someone to read it out like they’re Roger McGough.

Folk Music.

I like a bit of modern folk music as much as the next man but when I hear a new folksy song on the radio I hate the thought that no matter how much I like it it will soon show up in a Homebase ad with people doing something wacky with a bathroom set. On a summer day these sorts of song are lovely. Heard over and over again on adverts for phone networks or hardware stores they quickly become inane and winsome to the point where I want to go out into the world and destroy every acoustic guitar on the planet to stop this sort of thing from happening.

Real staff.

When Halifax started doing this it was a nice idea that caught the public imagination. Here were the real people from the branches dancing around and acting silly. It was quite quaint. Now the Halifax staff have apparently started a pirate radio station playing music from the early nineties. B&Q have the staff talking at you in their bright orange aprons and the Asda staff help people to gloat about saving 4p on a sausage roll. When I go to these places I don’t want chirpy staff coming up to me when I’m trying to shop or people trying to co-opt my receipt so these really don’t serve as an incentive. If they had an ad which promised that all the staff would politely leave me alone until I need them for something then you will get me through the door.

Insurance Company Mascots

Ever since Churchill struck gold with their talking bulldog all insurance companies are now trying to get in on the action by having some sort of mascot to detract from the fact that they are soulless demon companies trading in the misery and misfortune of others. So now the Confused.com logo, which I can only assume was drawn by a daughter of the chairman, has started to audition for X-Factor. Compare the Market manages to be insulting to meekats and people from eastern Europe (anyone using the phrase “simples” in my presence will receive a short sharp fuck punch to the throat) and Direct line tried to make phones and computer mice cute. When that didn’t work the decided to throw all their weight behind Chris Addison. As for Churchill? Well he now appears to have done a deal with Brian Cant and taken over management of the shop from Brick-a-Brack.

Being Deliberately Obtuse Because Your Product is Dull.

This is something that most car and high end perfume ads do. There is nothing particularly interesting you can say in an ad about a car and without smell-o-vision there is no way of conveying why you should buy a scent. So instead there is a succession of obtuse artsy ads with attractive celebrities swanning about some European city while a voiceover tries to convince you that it’s all something to do with being a true individual or some other bollocks. Car ads are even worse as they are so up their own arse that most of the time I can’t even remember which car they are advertising. They all seem to be directed by frustrated artists who are hoping that someone in Hollywood will see their visual flair and hire them to direct National Treasure 6.

In short ad agencies you have failed. I see through your bullshit and I have no desire to buy any these products based on your posturing focus grouped horseshit.

Now I’m a big fans of Smith’s earlier work. I admit I have seen less of his more recent films. I thought that Zack and Miri Make a Porno was good but not up to his best and I had no real interest in watching Cop Out mainly because if I am honest I probably prefer Smith’s writing to his direction. I have enjoyed his Q and A shows on DVD and his cameos in things such as Die Hard 4.0 and Daredevil. I think he has an entertaining body of work behind him and what worries me is that this may all be forgotten in the wake of his current antics.

In many ways I feel for Kevin Smith. He arrived on the scene with a low budget film funded by credit cards and managed to get it picked up by Miramax. Suddenly he found himself with a film career. Since then his films have gained a huge cult following but has still struggled to find a major breakthrough success, the closest he came was probably Dogma.

Smith was a young film maker who has been ground down by a Hollywood system that tells him he has not managed to fulfil the promise of his début. It’s never nice to receive negative reviews for something that you have put a lot of time and effort into so on one level it’s understandable that Smith would want to stick it to the system and to the critics.

On the other hand I can’t help but think that his current attitude is counter productive. Are there vindictive critics out there? Yes, of course there are but if you release a piece of your work into the public domain you have to be prepared to have some people not like it. You can’t please everyone. Hiding your film from everyone but the people who are pre-disposed to like it comes across as churlish. There are many critics out there who’s opinion people listen to and with good reason. Someone like Mark Kermode may not like the film but at least his opinion will be an honest one. Kermode is a very opinionated critic but his opinions are his own and he won’t just trash a film because it’s trendy to do so. You only have to look at his championing of the Twilight films in the face of general derision to see that.

Keeping the film away from the critics may make him feel like he’s sticking it to the man but it also looks like he doesn’t have faith in his project being well received. If you are proud of your piece of work let it be seen. Let it stand on it’s own merits. If you believe that you have made the best film you could have possibly made then what other people say about it shouldn’t matter. Have confidence in your own product.

What I find ultimately disappointing about the whole affair is that Smith’s films have a strong following and with good reason. As a film maker he captured the voice of a generation with Clerks and with Dogma managed to make a film that is by turns funny, moving and thought provoking. His current actions make him very difficult to like and I say this as someone who wants to like him. It is alienating to everyone but his most loyal and vocal of fans and I really don’t want this to be what he is remembered for in the long term. He’s better than this, his work is better than this and I wish he would have the nerve to stand by it for better or worse.

We are asked to meet Lindsay, an apparently average British woman, who has dared to have the temerity to think that her eight year old computer is good enough. Instead of being proud that one of their customers has been satisfied with one of their products for nearly a decade, Microsoft wait until she has gone out and then stage a home invasion to convert her house into a PC store. When she gets home she is shown what a fool she has been to be perfectly satisfied with what she already has and eventually buys a new laptop.

There was a time when making a product that lasts was considered a good thing but, in the world of modern technology, the moment that everyone is satisfied with what they have is the moment that everyone but tech support goes out of business. So now Microsoft are on a mission to name and shame those who are holding technology back by selfishly being satisfied with what they already own, instead of desperately craving the latest electronic shiny thing. Lindsay, what a bitch.

I can’t help but feel that Microsoft were holding back. The ad they actually wanted to run has Lindsay kidnapped with a bag put over her head and taken to a disused warehouse, where she is tied to a chair and made to wear that contraption that they put on Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange and forced to watch hours of Microsoft promotional films. She is then waterboarded while a recording of Bill Gates screams at her “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? HUMANITY WAS COUNTING ON YOU. WE COULD HAVE HAD INTERACTIVE HOLOGRAMS BY NOW IF ONLY PEOPLE LIKE YOU HAD NOT BEEN SO SELFISH. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO PUT A MAN ON MARS WHEN YOU WON’T DO YOUR DUTY? UPGRADE! REDEEM YOURSELF IN THE EYES OF THE HUMAN RACE. UPGRADE!”

After a week of sensory deprivation and being slapped about the face with a Blackberry Playbook she is eventually thrown out of a van sobbing and clutching a lime green Dell laptop that she’ll never be able to be more than five feet from without suffering a debilitating panic attack. The ad ends with Lindsay, now a dead-eyed flesh automaton, addressing the camera in a monotone voice “I’m a PC and I serve a new master.”

So remember kids, always be wanting more or Brother Bill will snatch you from your bed for re-education.